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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?